Beware the beast-man, for he is the Devil's pawn.
Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport, or lust, or greed.
Yea, he will murder his brother, to possess his brother's land.
Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home, and yours.
29th scrolll, 6th verse of the Law Giver
Planet of the Apes.

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you
would lie if you were in his place.
H. L. Mencken

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
Irv Kupcinet

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.   Dorothy Parker

"As long as there are rivers of blood coming out of the slaughterhouses, the human wish for peace on earth is but a sad joke." Dr. Serge Reynauld de la Ferriere

Jokes are both well-timed and witty and that was neither." (by Megan to a customer with yet another stupid half-drunk joke)

"With great power comes great responsibility." Uncle Ben to Peter Parker, aka Spiderman   

Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was.
Margaret Mitchell

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Don Marquis

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Phillips

If at first don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
Bill Lyon

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Totie Fields

Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on.
Karen Elizabeth Gordon

You got me straight-up trippin' boo!         Eugene Levy (to Queen Latifa in Bringing down the house)

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of
myself.
Mickey Mantle

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the
new.
Henry David Thoreau

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
Blore's Razor

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
Tallulah Bankhead


~James Dean~
"Dream as if you'll live forever;
live as if you'll die tomorrow." 

I Went Down on My Best Friend on a Nationally-Distributed Video and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt     Amy--a t-shirt idea after seeing a Girls Gone Wild video                                

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose
from. Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed
in M&Ms: 250
Harper's Index

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time.
Willem de Kooning

There is no such thing as a fairy tale romance (other than Todd and Patsy).....it all comes down to finding someone that you can stand 
Franklin Morgan

O.K. Picky Ricardo!                     Homer Simpson 4/13/03

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George Bush

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you
are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
P. G. Wodehouse

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. Mark Twain

All things are difficult before they are easy.
Dr. Thomas Fuller

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private
world of real creeps without having to smell them. Penn Jillette

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who
didn't tell you about it?
Kin Hubbard

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing at the moment.
Robert Benchley

A crusty egg is better than no egg         Frank telling his Goddaughter, Shelly, about the value of deviled eggs at her graduation party

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Tallulah Bankhead

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for
children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
Antoine de Saint

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx

It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.
Logan Pearsall Smith

Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained
by perpetual neglect of many other things.
Robert Louis Stevenson

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone

The following quotes were submitted by Ashley Brown

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"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes

"Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." Henry Kissinger

I love you! YOur the coolest!    by the cute and very smart, Ashley Brown (about me) 
*********************************************

The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.
Laurence J. Peter

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
William G. McAdoo

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Aldous Huxley

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever
Annonymous

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the
things we did not do that is inconsolable.
Sidney J. Harris

To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Fish and visitors stink in three days." It is from "Poor Richard's Almanac," written by Benjamin Franklin -- a very wise man, indeed.

No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
Charles M. Schulz

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
Irv Kupcinet